The Butterfly’s Struggle: Why Resistance Builds Stronger Leaders
Every product manager knows what it feels like to face obstacles—failed launches, tough stakeholder battles, or market shifts that render your roadmap irrelevant overnight. In those moments, it’s easy to see challenge as a setback.
What if the challenges you face today are building the leader you’ll become tomorrow?
The Lesson of the Butterfly
There’s a parable about a man who sees a butterfly straining to emerge from its cocoon. Moved by compassion, he gently opens it to make the way easier. But instead of flying, the butterfly collapses. What he didn’t realize is that the effort of pushing through was nature’s way of strengthening the butterfly’s wings. Without that resistance, the butterfly wasn’t ready for flight.
Leadership growth works the same way. The difficulties we face aren’t there to hold us back—they prepare us for what’s next.
Why Challenge Feels So Heavy in Product Management
Product leaders carry a unique set of pressures:
Ambiguity → No clear right answer, yet decisions must be made.
Conflict → Balancing executives, engineers, sales, and customers, all pulling in different directions.
Failure in public → Missed launch or release dates, a big bet that falls flat and misses revenue targets despite the effort behind it, or a product that customers simply don’t adopt.
It’s natural to want to avoid these moments. But each one has the potential to build the capacity you’ll need for the next level of leadership.
What the Research Says
Psychologists describe a phenomenon called post-traumatic growth—the idea that people can emerge from adversity stronger, clearer, and more resilient. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that difficult experiences can deepen a person’s sense of purpose, increase confidence, and improve problem-solving.
For leaders, this means challenges aren’t detours from growth—they’re part of the journey.
A Personal Perspective
In my own career, the hardest seasons—the failed bets, the team conflicts, the pivots I didn’t see coming—were the ones that reshaped me most deeply. They pushed me to pause, reflect, and ask: What’s the lesson here?
The answer was rarely technical. It was almost always internal: learning patience, developing courage, or letting go of control. Each time, those moments expanded my capacity to lead.
Three Shifts to Reframe Challenge
See patterns, not problems. The same difficulties often repeat until we face the deeper lesson. Spotting the pattern is the key to breaking through.
Reframe resistance as practice. Just as muscles strengthen through effort, leadership grows when you work through demanding situations.
Pause for reflection. Don’t rush to “fix.” Journal, meditate, or coach yourself through: What is this teaching me that I couldn’t learn otherwise?
A Final Word
The obstacles you face as a PM or product leader aren’t just barriers—they’re invitations. Each one is preparing you for flight at the next level.
Because true leadership isn’t built in the absence of difficulty. It’s built through it.